When a Christian Elected official is Caught “Coveting Ass!”
BY Paul Swearengin
Once upon a time in a red state…
KID: Hey Dad, what’s adultery? DAD: Um… what? Adultery? Where’d you hear about that? KID: In my class, at school.
And just like that, the moral panic machine begins to whir.
Oklahoma Superintendent Ryan Walters is adamant that teachers must teach the Bible and display the Ten Commandments in their classrooms. But signs that say “All Are Welcome Here”? Not welcome.
You see, the Bible™ is fine to Christian leaders like Walker, as long as no one actually reads it. And this week, when porn popped up on Walker’s office TV screen during a board meeting, instead of a humble acknowledgment or a Christlike posture of truth-seeking, Walters cried “conspiracy!”
When Walters got caught “coveting an ass,” all ten of the commandments went out the window for him and he simply showed his ass. Hypocrisy? Thy name is the American Rightwing Christian Church.
What a parable. Jesus once said bad theology works like leaven—slowly spreading to dull the eyes and ears until one can no longer perceive truth. Behold, Ryan Walters. Behold, the church in America.
And now… a parable for our times:
📜 The Mandments
KID: Teacher said the new sign on the wall is called the “mandments.” The Superintendent made her put it up. DAD: You mean commandments. I guess… maybe teaching the Ten Commandments is good? KID: Well, she also read us some stories from the book we’re forced to read now. Dad, what does it mean to “spill your seed”? DAD: We’ll talk about that when you’re older. KID: A guy in the book died for doing it. DAD: …Okay. Did she teach you any other stories? KID: Yeah. Like a man who tried to burn his son. And daughters who wanted to have children with their dad. And a woman about to be stoned for sex stuff, but a guy born out of wetlock stopped them. Dad… what’s wetlock? DAD: Oh no. KID: And a king who had a virgin sleep with him on his deathbed to keep warm. What’s a virgin? DAD: Ask your mother. KID: And menstruation. A lady sat on her stuff to hide it ‘cause she said it was her time of menstruation. DAD: …I didn’t realize so much grooming was in the Bible. KID: Dad, what’s circumcison? DAD: I’m calling the Superintendent’s office!
🪬 The Moral of the Story?
If you don’t want kids learning about sex, murder, incest, menstruation, or divine wrath… Maybe don’t put a book truly full of it – without context, critique, or compassion – on the wall.
The Bible is a compilation of texts of ancient wisdom. It’s also wild, violent, tender, and deeply human. And when weaponized for control instead of engaged with reverence, it becomes a tool for oppression rather than transformation.
Jesus never called for state-mandated religion. He flipped tables when people tried it.
Paul has a unique set of skills that has taken him from:
- the television desk as a TV sportscaster
- to the broadcast booth as a radio sports announcer/talk show host
- to the pulpit as a founder/Sr Pastor of an evangelical church
- to TikTok as a popular creator
- to the classroom currently as a community college professor.
Paul supported his spouse Ashley in winning two elections as mayor of Fresno, CA. Paul and Ashley now talk religion and politics and 21st century spirituality on the Evangelicalish podcast.
Paul also authored the novel "Religious Right Religiously Wrong: A Modern Day Parable" and crafted his emotional and spiritual well-being curriculum: "DeconstructionU" & "ReconstructionU" which he uses for life coaching.
In all his massive amounts of spare time, Paul is working on a Masters in Marriage and Family Therapy and continues his own therapeutic journey as a non-gendered, Dissociative Identity Disorder multiple and father of the two greatest children in the world.
