Cutting people out of your life doesn’t help solve our political divide.

Our country is polarized both in terms of politics and religion. Our media are divided, and so are our cities, our homes, our neighborhoods, and our churches. We live in bubbles; we don’t talk to people we disagree with. Some say we are as divided as we were before the American Civil War, and there is talk that there should be secession now. I find that scary.

Not only is our country politically polarized, but many of our relationships are also fractured, severed by that political polarization. The loss of those relationships may contribute to feelings of loneliness and loss on both sides. We are cutting into the fabric of our lives, unraveling the tapestry that tethered us to who we were and gave richness and texture to our existence. And online relationships aren’t a good substitute for in-person relationships. In fact, some doctors prescribe in-person experiences for people who are depressed or anxious.

We need to fix this!

A psychologist I used to follow on what was then Twitter (Nick Carmody) has done a lot of thinking about how psychological concepts can help us understand what is going on, and how we can heal this country. In his opinion, the only way to heal this country is one person and one relationship at a time.

Here’s the tweet from Nick that prompted this idea:

That gives the ideas I will be writing about increased importance. We aren’t just fixing the fractured relationships in our lives; we are fixing our country!

The key to these relationship breakdowns is that we don’t know what to do. We’ve used the normal tools, and they don’t work. The typical advice isn’t helpful. We need new tools, new ideas, and new skills.

This column will help you identify the mindset shifts that you can take that will increase your likelihood of success, and concrete steps you can make to improve these relationships. Each chapter will focus on a key idea. Those suggestions have been created by me, Karen Tibbals, based on input from a wide range of experts. I curate ideas from mediation experts, hostage negotiators, anthropologists, historians, journalists, recovery literature, as well as psychologists. Until now, many of these ideas haven’t been applied to interpersonal conflicts.

Stay with me each week as I provide ideas for how we can get along together in a more productive and healthy way.