I’ve often heard people say that they thought they could convince the other person if the person didn’t believe a certain thing. They think the answer is to deal with the barrier.

Barriers are hard to overcome. That’s like taking a crowbar to the side of the house instead of going to the door and knocking. You are trying to destroy something. The homeowner will defend against the invasion but may welcome a visitor if they are polite.

An example: I heard someone say at a homeowners’ association meeting recently, “Not that I believe in climate change, but how are we planning to deal with the long-term increase in storms?” I could have turned that into a discussion of how climate change is real and tried to overcome that barrier. It doesn’t matter that she said she didn’t necessarily believe in climate change; what matters is her willingness to bring it up and consider actions. That’s a door she opened that can be walked through.

Look for the doors, don’t batter down the barriers in your way. And don’t search for barriers to overcome. I know one person who is passionate about climate who tries to educate people about the difference between climate and weather. It never gets him anywhere, because it just creates a loop.

What you defend against, you make real. You actually may make the situation worse by trying to batter down the barriers.

The ideas in my posts are all about how to have meaningful conversations with the people in our lives, to build relationships. You may not convince people, but, over time, as you build bridges, look for the bright spots.