WASHINGTON, D.C. — In a bold move to “reclaim America’s heritage,” the Trump administration announced Monday that it will officially change the first line of the national anthem from “José can you see” to “Oh Keith can you see,” citing the need to “restore American values and names.”

“This is America. We speak English here,” said Rep. Marjorie Taylor Greene, proudly holding up a printed copy of the lyrics with “José” circled in red. “I don’t know who José is, but he doesn’t belong in our anthem. I suggest we replace him with a more patriotic name like Keith, or maybe Kevin if that’s what my colleagues want.”

The controversial change follows years of conservative outcry over what many believed to be a liberal plot to sneak multiculturalism into America’s sacred karaoke starter pack. While linguists and literally everyone else have clarified that the lyric is “Oh say,” Greene and her colleagues insist they’ve been gaslit by the deep state for decades.

“You mean to tell me it’s not ‘José can you see’? I’ve been singing that since third grade,” said Senator Tommy Tuberville, visibly sweating. “Next you’ll say the bald eagle isn’t the national bird.”

Ben Shapiro, though a staunch supporter of Trump’s policies and “regularly refers to him as ‘Daddy’ in private,” expressed concern. “This is phonetically illiterate,” he said on his podcast while speed-reading a thesaurus. “”It’s ‘Oh say.’ Not ‘José.’ I’m embarrassed for everyone involved. Still love Trump, obviously.”

The administration issued a draft of the revised anthem, beginning:

“Oh Keith, can you see, by the dawn’s early light…”

When reached for comment, Rep. Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez simply said, “No comment—except that it’s Oh say, not José, and I shouldn’t even have to say that out loud.”

Political analysts say the move is part of a broader Trump campaign strategy to appeal to white voters who are angry, confused, and deeply suspicious of Spanish vowels.

Early polling suggests strong support for “Keith,” narrowly beating out “Brad,” “Chet,” and “Kid Rock.”