Let me say this right out of the gate:

Yes, I’m fully aware that Donald Trump posted an AI-generated image of himself as the Pope.
Yes, I know that on May the 4th, no less, he also portrayed himself as some kind of Sith Lord—replete with a red lightsaber, no less.
Yes, I get that he’s trolling. That’s literally all he ever does.

But if that’s what you’re fixated on—if you think that’s the point of my critique—you’re missing the plot harder than a Christian nationalist misses the Sermon on the Mount.

The point has never been Donald J. Trump. The point—my point—is that the people who raised me, who wept beside me at youth group altar calls, who laid hands on me and even spoke in tongues (when I never asked them to), who gave me “wise counsel” when I was trying to figure out where I belonged in this messed-up world—they are the ones still supporting this walking Babylonian golden statue in a far-too-long red tie.

That’s what breaks my heart. That’s what makes me angry.

Because let’s be real: Trump is not an enigma. He’s not a riddle wrapped in a mystery inside a greasy McDonald’s wrapper. He is a loud, proud, unrepentant symbol of everything Jesus wasn’t. And that’s what makes his continued worship by evangelicals so utterly disorienting and disappointing.

Let me remind you that the message of Jesus of Nazareth wasn’t “Make Rome Great Again.” It was a radical call to embody something altogether different. Something you used to preach at me. Something I still believe in, even after you sold your souls for a seat at the Emperor’s banquet.

So, to help us all remember just how far you’ve strayed, here are seven ways Donald Trump is the literal anti-thesis to Jesus’ message. Why seven? Well, as you’ve told me a thousand times while sipping Folgers from your “Blessed & Highly Favored” mug: seven is the number of perfection.

Let’s do this.

1. Jesus taught justice for the oppressed. Trump demonizes them.
Jesus announced good news to the poor, freedom to prisoners, and liberation to the oppressed (Luke 4:18). Trump, meanwhile, tried to end DACA, put children in cages, and treats asylum seekers like invaders. That’s not justice. That’s fascism wrapped in a flag and carrying a Bible upside-down.

2. Jesus healed the sick. Trump mocked them.
Jesus never turned away the sick or the vulnerable. Trump, on the other hand, downplayed a pandemic that killed over a million Americans and made fun of a disabled reporter. You remember that, right? Or do we not talk about that in Bible study?

3. Jesus welcomed immigrants. Trump builds walls.
The refugee Christ who fled to Egypt would be banned at the southern border. He’d be called a “thug” or worse. Jesus said “I was a stranger and you welcomed me” (Matthew 25). Trump said, “They’re bringing drugs. They’re bringing crime. They’re rapists.” And you said “Amen?”

4. Jesus taught humility. Trump worships himself.
You know that thing Jesus said about taking the lowest seat at the table (Luke 14:10)? Trump doesn’t just sit at the head of the table—he erects a golden throne and demands applause. And evangelicals? You hold up signs like he’s the second coming, when he’s barely the second helping at the Golden Corral.

5. Jesus preached peace. Trump stokes violence.
Jesus said “blessed are the peacemakers.” Trump said “I’ll pay your legal fees” to people who beat protestors. He incited a literal insurrection. This is not what a Prince of Peace inspires. This is what you get when a megalomaniac taps into a mob’s bruised ego.

6. Jesus loved his enemies. Trump threatens his.
Jesus prayed for those who crucified him. Trump tweets (well, truths) threats at his political opponents and encourages chants of “lock her up.” One gave his life. The other dodged the draft and bragged about it.

7. Jesus told the truth. Trump has made a career out of lies.
Jesus is the truth. Trump lies as easily as he breathes. And you, church of my youth, nod along and pretend it’s all part of God’s mysterious plan. Is God’s plan really that you become professional gaslighters in Jesus’ name?

You see, the real tragedy here isn’t Trump’s trolling memes, cosplay, or apocalyptic AI fan art. It’s that you—the people who baptized me, mentored me, and broke bread with me—have done what Jesus explicitly refused to do in Luke chapters 3 and 4:

Sell your soul to the devil in exchange for political and religious power.
You bent the knee to Caesar, called him “God’s chosen,” and now carry his cross instead of Christ’s.

And Jesus? He sees right through it.

He’d call you exactly what he called the religious leaders of his day:
“Children of hell” (Matthew 23:15)—twice as damned, because not only have you gone astray, you’re dragging others with you.

And if there is a hell, as I wrote in 2018, I assure you that it won’t be full of the people you think it will be. As I said back then:

“The only people who are even remotely in danger of ending up in hell, according to Jesus, are those who don’t feed the hungry, welcome the stranger, and care for the sick, imprisoned, and poor.

In other words, if anyone goes to hell, it’s the Christians.”

So no, I’m not mad at a meme. I’m grieved by the betrayal of a gospel I still love, by people I once called family, who now preach nationalism instead of the Kingdom, fear instead of faith, and power instead of peace.

But here’s the good news: The Jesus you’ve forgotten still remembers you. He’s just not interested in your political idols or AI papal cosplay. He’s waiting—still—for the prodigal church to come home.