The Fake & Fraudulent Prophets Around the President
September 4, 2026 |
Daniel Henderson
Once upon a time, folks like Casey Means were the devil’s poster children—New Age kooks destined for hellfire and parental warning pamphlets. She builds shrines, talks to trees, and believes the future of medicine is light and vibes. Ten years ago, that would’ve gotten her banished from Bible Belt brunches. Today? She’s Trump’s pick for Surgeon General.
Yes, that Surgeon General—the one in charge of public health, tasked with real medicine, science, and oversight. You know, qualifications she doesn’t actually have. What she does have is a wildly popular wellness brand, a penchant for pseudoscience, and a deeply held belief that hormonal birth control is a war crime against the “divine feminine.” In other words, she’s just the right kind of “spiritual” for the Christian Right.
Funny how that works.
Casey Means isn’t an anomaly—she’s the embodiment of where American conservatism is headed: post-religious, but still fully culty. Her spiritual aesthetic is full moon ceremonies and manifestation altars. Her politics are “tradwife,” just with better lighting. And while she’s not quoting scripture, she is pushing the same patriarchal gospel: women are healthiest, holiest, and happiest when they give up power and stay in their lane.
The evangelical outrage machine should be melting down over her tree-whispering antics and moonlight medicine, but instead? Crickets. Why? Because she hits all the right talking points: anti-abortion, anti-feminist, anti-science. She may not worship their God, but she sure serves their purpose.
As long as you’re pushing purity culture in a prettier bottle, the Christian Right will roll out the red carpet—even if it’s woven from crystals and reiki sessions.
This isn’t a fluke—it’s a trend. The same conservative machine that spent decades railing against yoga, Harry Potter, and anything vaguely “witchy” is now fully embracing a mystic rebrand. The difference? It’s all in the service of control.
This isn’t Jesus leading the charge—it’s MLM spirituality wrapped in nationalist propaganda. Enter Robert F. Kennedy Jr., self-styled savior of “natural health” and current HHS Secretary in Trump’s hypothetical cabinet of horrors. Kennedy is the snake oil salesman in chief—pushing disinformation, gutting public health policy, and leveraging “vibes over science” to launder far-right Christian ideology into new-age aesthetics.
He talks like a hippie but governs like a Handmaid’s Tale fanfiction author.
And surprise—Means and her brother are on his team. She gets the Surgeon General nod. He gets a cushy government gig. Together, they help Kennedy push policies that would make 1950s America look progressive. All under the guise of “wellness.”
This isn’t about medicine. It’s about myth. The myth that things were better before women had agency, before birth control, before science got in the way of God-ordained gender roles. Kennedy and crew just found a new way to sell that lie—with mood lighting and essential oils.
Of course, this shift didn’t come out of nowhere. Charismatic Christianity has been slowly steering the religious right into supernatural waters for years. Speaking in tongues? Faith healing? Demons in the walls? That used to be fringe stuff. Now it’s campaign fodder.
Tucker Carlson—who once tried to pass as a vanilla Episcopalian—is out here claiming he was mauled by demons. It’s not theology. It’s content.
And with content comes influence. Carlson had Means on his show to bash birth control with all the subtlety of a punch to the uterus. She called the pill “pesticide for women” and warned against “shutting down the lifegiving cycle.” This isn’t just bad science—it’s spiritual blackmail dressed in a lab coat she doesn’t even own.
But it plays. Because the Christian Right isn’t looking for sound doctrine anymore—they’re looking for vibes. Specifically, the kind that align with authoritarian control, nostalgic misogyny, and performative piety.
The tradwife trend is just the Instagram-friendly version of this regressive theology. It’s the idea that true feminine empowerment means giving up equality for aesthetics: flowy dresses, sourdough starters, and submission with a smile. And when you wrap all that in “natural health” rhetoric, suddenly even the weirdest ideas (like abortion pills poisoning the water supply) start to sound plausible to people who’ve confused their TikTok feed with peer-reviewed research.
Groups like Students for Life are now pushing MAHA—Make America Healthy Again—as if rolling back reproductive rights is somehow a path to enlightenment. They’re weaponizing environmental law to ban abortion pills, claiming they’re a threat to the water supply. It’s as absurd as it sounds. But absurdity isn’t a bug in this system—it’s a feature.
You don’t need facts when you have feelings. And you don’t need Jesus when you have a hashtag.
In the end, the Christian Right’s sudden tolerance for moon rituals and manifestation isn’t an evolution—it’s a costume change. They’ve swapped out WWJD bracelets for crystal pendants, but the mission remains: control women, roll back progress, and pretend it’s holy.
It’s spiritual gentrification. They’re taking the aesthetics of mysticism and using them to sell the same old oppression. It’s not about faith—it’s about power.
And Casey Means? She’s just the latest influencer to sell her soul for a seat at the table.
